


Names (She's not alright but she's okay)

by JRoseW



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Can be seen as romance? but mostly kinda friendship, Donald Ressler is sad, F/M, Mentions of Character Death, and so is Liz Keen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2359157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRoseW/pseuds/JRoseW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1. She keeps his name</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Keen

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, I've never written for The Blacklist before? At first this was going to be by itself, but after some thought I decided it would be good to make a drabble series about whatever comes into my head at the time. Some will be longer than others, this one is REALLY short. 
> 
> Obviously I was inspired by 2x01, and I hope you like it:)

She keeps his name.

She says it’s because he was never Tom Keen, that Tom Keen was just a facade and lie that they lived.

If it were him he’d hate the name even more.

She says she’s fine, that Tom’s deceit makes it easier to disregard the years they spent together. But he knows that’s a lie, if she could truly put it behind her she wouldn’t have kept the name. 

“Keen.” She answers as she always does, and it’s a constant reminder that a small part of the man who betrayed her remains. 

He can’t judge her, because he has felt similar feelings before. The rug pulled out from under you, four years worth of memories, three years of being Keen. It’s hard to change habit, and it’s hard to let go. 

So when she comes in the next day with her hair chopped off, he thinks she looks really good. 

“A new me.” She smiles earnestly, and he thinks she may not be okay right now, but she’s on her way.


	2. Ressler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2\. He's not a boy scout anymore.

Donald Ressler no longer considers himself the boy scout of the bureau. He’s seen too many things, made too many reprehensible choices to try and have that title. 

He realizes he should’ve ditched it long ago

He works with Raymond Reddington for hell’s sake! The man he chased for so long, the person he considered his penultimate nemesis, his ally. Honestly, it really pisses him off, but also makes him sad. Red made it possible for Audrey to come back into his life, after all. But are few month’s more worth a memories make up for the fact that he is going to have to live with the guilt of her death for the rest of his life?

The answer is no, yes, and everything inbetween. The pills make it better. 

He says he doesn’t need a shrink because he really doesn’t. He _knows_ he’s messed up, he doesn’t need to spend the time and money to find that out. Liz says that he’s walking a dangerous line, but also that it’s his choice. He figures she’d have more to say if she wasn’t just as broken as he is. And they are broken, both scrambling to pick up pieces but only succeeding in making them smaller. Donald knows Liz is living out of motels and her suitcase, and Liz knows he’s struggling to keep it together at work. 

He’d never leave the bureau, though. He’s still a boy scout in that regard, full of honor and a sense of obligation to his country. An opportunity like this only ever comes around maybe never, so he’s not going to waste it. 

_Yeah_ , he sometimes thinks, _an opportunity to die._

But he gets to catch the real scum of the earth (Albeit by working with the scum of the earth but _details_.) and he knows he’s saving plenty of lives and making a difference. But anyone in this line of work can tell you that there are definitely times you wonder if it’s worth it. And Don would be the first to admit it happens quite a bit. Because it’s messed up, you think you’d give up anything to save the world but when someone you love is on the line there’s a flicker of _‘are these lives worth saving if I can’t save the one person I care about most’_?

It’s that thought that plagues him every day and night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many Ressler feelings it's not fair I just want him to be happy goddamnit 
> 
> (also disclaimer I don't own any characters in The Blacklist)


	3. Malik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3\. No one wants to die

You don’t choose how you die. Well, you can, but in Meera’s career choice; you really don’t. One could argue that by making the decision to become an agent for the CIA she was choosing. But even if you agree to lay down your life for the sake of the cause, in that moment, you do not want to die. 

That being said, Meera always wanted to go out heroically. She didn’t know how exactly, but who really wants to think of their own death? Even if she had, though, she would’ve never guessed she die from bleeding out because of a slit throat. 

A sneak attack, a freaking _sneak attack_ had taken her out. Odd final thoughts, of course, but not unexpected. She was a CIA agent after all, sneaking was her trade. She was supposed to know the suspect’s plan of attack before they even knew. It was embarrassing, and frankly made her wish it was over soon so she didn’t have to see Keen standing over her. She wished for a heroic death, finding that her own was lackluster. That’s not all she thought of, of course. She thought of her children, so young, who would now be without their mother. She thought of Keen, Ressler, and Reddington. How would the team fair without her, god knows Ressler gets his ass beat all the time. _Hell_ , Meera figured in her final moments, _I bet he’s getting his ass beat right now_. 

She thinks that she should not have left a cushy retirement for this, that she should’ve resigned herself to working a moderately annoying job if it meant she could spend more time with her family. But her choices are her final, and her own. She knew the minute she accepted the offer she’d be in danger again, that any day could be her last. 

She knew the threats, and yet; she came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this chapter immediately after Ressler's, but couldn't finish it until tonight. Meera makes me SO SAD because she was such an amazing character and a good contrast to the FBI team/Red. I'm gonna miss her, to be honest. Already do. 
> 
> Another thing, these are really just really stupid vignettes, so I don't actually know what Meera was thinking as she was bleeding out. Probably "I do not want to bleed out and die oh shit shit shit" but whatever, in my opinion if I was a CIA agent, I'd be pretty pissed in my final moments too if that's how I died. 
> 
> Anyway, I don't own The Blacklist or characters. Hope you enjoyed the update:)


End file.
